We touch ourselves in utero…
As fetuses, we touch ourselves in utero.
Toddlers, explore their genitals with curiosity & for pleasure.
Sexual shame + disconnection is something we learn
So - where does the voice + the sensations of shame come from?
“No yucky yucky” when a toddler touches herself, from a protective caregiver that’s worried what parents might think if she was to do that at kindy.
Pleasureless sex education with strong messages of danger & risk, from authority figures grappling with their own shame whilst trying to navigate a politically & emotionally charged conversation.
Early sensual/sexual partners that judged you/your body, as a result of their ‘out of touch with reality’ porn education.
A medical professional you trusted to care for your body, who implies your promiscuity is to blame for an STD/STI.
Sexual shame can show up as…
Not knowing what your genitals look like
Contracting herpes & now feeling too afraid to date
Feeling like you need to be intoxicated to have or enjoy sex
Not asking for what you truly want & need in bed
Feeling like your genitals smell or taste gross
Feeling dirty after sex
Discomfort, or an inability to have conversations about sex
Depending on porn for pleasure, to avoid being present with your erotic body
Numbness & pain during sex
Experiencing any of the above doesn’t make us wrong, or broken. It simply makes us a human who grew up in a sex-negative society.
Shame is given to us without our consent
Something that I find helpful to return to again & again, is remembering that our natural state of being, our birthright, is too orient towards pleasure with curiosity & joy.
We already know how.
Our work is to strip (which as a burlesquer I interpreted quite literally) away the layers.
How might you experience sexual shame?
Comment below to share, if you’d like me to compassionately witness you in what arises.