Having a formula for sex doesn’t necessarily detract from its quality.
Let’s delve deeper into this idea, beyond my usual invitation to break free from the script.
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Ironically and unconsciously, my initial gravitation towards sexual empowerment and pole dancing was partly an effort to solidify my status as the ‘cool girl’. This persona, motivated by a desire to appeal to men, often entails suppressing one’s true self. It's a manifestation of internalised misogyny, stemming from a historical context where women's power often hinged on their sexuality, sometimes even for survival.
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Are you a people-pleaser in the bedroom? Here are eight ways you might be people-pleasing in your sex life.
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Being aware of your emotions is inherently vulnerable. It’s common to feel safer navigating the emotional worlds of others than exposing yourself.
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Sacrifice in the name of love is commonplace in the collective where women especially are socialised to be nurturing caregivers, often prioritising the needs of others at the expense of their wellbeing.
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Pleasure can have everything to do with sex & nothing at all to do with sex.
It can be therapeutic, blissful, sensual, soothing, erotic, and/or sexual.
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“I don’t know what I want in bed, so I don't know how to ask for something different…?”A predicament many folks have brought to me.One of my first questions for them - do you self pleasure?
Over the last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about something I never expected to think about at all.
Getting botox
This topic incites a sizeable conflict inside of me.
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It’s super powerful to be able to distinguish between the experience of pleasure, ecstasy & adrenaline.
Since there is a lot of chemical crossover, it can all feel similarly arousing.
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Pu$$y-havers often grow up learning that our partners s3xual pleasure is *our* responsibility.
Which can be a big time cock block for our ability to receive, choose & take pleasure for ourselves.
There comes a time in every s3xually liberated pu$$y owner’s life where she/they/he have to declare…
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My sex used to be very different…
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In 2017, I won Aotearoa/New Zealand’s most prestigious pole dance competition for the second year in a row with a piece I named, EMANCIPATE. This piece was about my sexual liberation.
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The look, colour, shape, size, smell, taste?
If so, I hear you. I feel you.
And I know that feeling this way isn’t your fault.
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If you’re honest with yourself, you’re yearning to be loved for the parts of yourself that have absolutely nothing to do with what you give…
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As fetuses, we touch ourselves in utero.
Toddlers, explore their genitals with curiosity & for pleasure.
Sexual shame + disconnection is something we learn
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Since the age of about 11, I found safety in relationships by self abandoning...
A mechanism to eliminate conflict & inequity.
Both of which have overwhelmed me since my earliest memories.
If someone has a need, it was my job to meet it. If someone's in pain, it was my job to hold it.
And I was really, really busy doing just that. In my family, professional, romantic… well, all personal relationships.
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The pandemic has weirdly been a gift to my relationship.
Months of lockdown together allowed us to be honest about some outdated patterns in our relationship & do the work to evolve them.
It’s been incredibly painful for both of us.
Make or break kind of pain.
Almost broke up, kind of pain…
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Do I trigger you?
Yet you find yourself still following me? reading my posts? perhaps even attending my workshops?
I judged my first sexuality mentor SO MUCH. I thought she was fake, annoying, & attention-seeking.
Then I started working with her.
I’ve been grabbing at my growing tummy…
Every time I catch myself I notice conflicting feelings & thoughts.
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Moments earlier, he was falling asleep on the couch, with Big Bang Theory playing.
I was in my blanket fort of misery after having my wisdom tooth removed & then developing thrush thanks to antibiotics.
But we’d promised ourselves that we would connect & we could both feel it was needed.
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