Struggling to know what you want in bed?
“I don’t know what I want in bed, so I don't know how to ask for something different…?”
A predicament many folks have brought to me.
One of my first questions for them - do you self pleasure?
Often, the answer is, "no".
Or, "yes, I hurriedly bust one out in the *exact same* way I have done since my teens".
This is normal & nothing to be ashamed of.
It's also likely a contributing factor to your predicament, because,
You're unlikely to learn anything new about your sexual self within that comfort zone
Every time we self-pleasure we code our brains + nervous system.
Self-pleasuring the same way consistently for years may have you finding it challenging to feel pleasure outside of your pattern.
If you want to evolve this...
It's time to create & nurture multiple roads to pleasure by bringing CURIOUS EMBODIED VARIATION into self-pleasure.
Here are some tips
💙 SLOW DOWN & BREATHE.
Give yourself time to connect with & process your touch. Consciously relax areas of tension using your breath, so that your turn on can flow to different areas of your body.
💙 EXPLORE NEW STROKES & GEOGRAPHIES OF YOUR BODY.
Expand self-pleasure past the borders of your genitals.
💙 YOU CAN STILL USE OLD FAITHFUL.
There is nothing wrong with your current habit. I am so glad there is something that works well for you! Return to it any time you want, but add more variety alongside this tried & true.