I didn’t expect to feel this...
I’ve been grabbing at my growing tummy…
Every time I catch myself I notice conflicting feelings & thoughts.
Soothed, by the soft comfort that wraps around me in a time of heightened stress.
Worried, about getting back on stage in a body that’s lost articulation. A body that’s never been so dimpled.
Overjoyed, with the genuinely pleasurable jiggle I feel when I shake, twerk & roll my hips.
Invalidated, for feeling a breakdown in body love when I live with more body privilege than others.
It’s been hard for me to feel my body change as I’ve heard & honoured it through a hip dislocation, snowboarding concussion, the conclusion of teaching pole classes, & three months of lockdown this year.
I didn’t expect to feel this
I’ve found myself feeling embarrassed for the time's body insecurity has seeped into my conversations with close friends.
I’ve found myself tempted to use shame-based thoughts to motivate (flagellate) myself into diet & exercise. A strategy that’s seen ‘results’ for me in the past.
This isn’t a post for validation. I ask that no one offers any commentary about my body. Ever.
Instead, I wanted to share with you, my darlings, is how I’m cultivating body love right now:
Normalising my thoughts & feelings. How could I not encounter these thoughts + feelings living in a world ripe with body terrorism?
Letting these feelings guide me deeper into self-love.
Journaling daily to meet fears & return to abundance so that I can choose sweaty movement with love.
Bringing pleasurable touch to the parts of my body I’m building a relationship with
If you’ve been grappling with similar feelings & thoughts lately, hit me with a comment below!