Almost broke up, kind of pain

The pandemic has weirdly been a gift to my relationship.

Months of lockdown together allowed us to be honest about some outdated patterns in our relationship & do the work to evolve them.

It’s been incredibly painful for both of us.

Make or break kind of pain.

Almost broke up kind of pain…

It makes sense that we allowed the noise of ‘normal life’ to direct us away from opening our relationship pandora’s box.

Thank fuck we had the tools to navigate these rough waters.

We’ve made it through the storm without any unnecessary & regretful emotional scrapes & bruises.

Today, there is more trust, balance & true love in our relationship than ever.

It feels victorious & so damn good.

But after months & months of lockdown with my beloved over the last 2 years, I’m ready to get as far away from him as I can.

I need to rediscover myself.

All the versions of myself that exist outside of our relationship.

Recently, my friend said to me “I love when you go to an event & people don’t know you have a partner & they DON’T ask - hey, how’s ____?”

GOD I WANT THAT SO BAD RIGHT NOW!

I’ve been having dreams of solo hikes in the bush. Craving that nervous/proud/resilient feeling that lives in my belly when I move through the world alone. I’ve been yearning to feel the delicious unfamiliar discomfort of going to sleep alone & waking up alone.

It would be easy to allow myself to sink even deeper into the soothing comforts of what’s wonderful in our relationship right now.

Instead, we’re ceremoniously cutting the covid-reactivated codependent chord between us. And I’ve recruited my pussy to guide me on extensive solo travel next year!

We’re not breaking up, or taking a break.

We’re practicing being strong together, strong apart.

If reading this brought anything up in you that you’d like to share with me - leave me a comment below or contact me privately. I’d love to witness you.