Where’s your growing edge of intimacy?

Where’s your growing edge of intimacy?

We all have a capacity for intimacy. This is the amount of intimacy we can experience with someone, before we’ll feel ourselves withdrawing, sabotaging, or panicking.

From the outside, this might look like trying to get rid of awkward energy by laughing, avoidance, total freeze-mode shut down, mockery, or even apparent disinterest.

It’s really important to understand that internally, the brain has actually signalled danger & activated a stress cycle (even though on the surface, it might come across as deliberate dickheaded-ness).

Knowing this gives way to so much compassion! For ourselves & our partners.
Because we can deeply desire to connect in ways that our brains + nervous systems have learned are unsafe in the past, which we carry into our present.

In these edgy moments, what’s needed is self-soothing.

One way of doing this is to take space & choose an internal monologue that reminds your body that you are not in danger, even though you feel unsafe (assuming this is actually true).

It can be powerful to tap your chest, breathe deeply & affirm “I am safe, I am safe, I am safe”.

It’s really important, wherever accessible, to circle back to a partner, communicating what you experienced, so they don’t misinterpret your surface-level reaction.

Helpful?