The 3 biggest things I did, as part of my sexual liberation
I’m asked this question a lot – “what did you do personally on your own journey of sexual healing & liberation?”
I’ve done a lot of work. I continue to do a lot of deep inner work because I’ve fallen in love with it (despite how intimidating it can be).
So, I wanted to break it down for you guys, being really honest, about the three biggest things I’ve done that most powerfully transformed my own experience of sexuality, self-love & relationships.
I MET MY SHADOW
Often folks will get in touch with me, looking for a quick fix. They think I’m going to suggest they get a satisfier pro & do some affirmations, & it’s going to facilitate deep shifts. It won’t.
I guide people to meet their shadow.
What is “the shadow”? A concept coined by Swiss Physiatrist Carl Jung.
It’s the parts of us we tend to reject, deny, or avoid, that has been built from the painful experiences in our lives. The self-saboteur, the reactive one, the unconscious demons, our suppressed emotions…
The part that’s terrified to open up to intimacy.
The part that controls a partner, out of fear of letting go.
The part that that has felt deeply unloved & unseen since childhood.
This part of us wants us to stay in familiar suffering. Even if other parts of us desire change.
The shadow is largely unconscious, which is why we need to do the work to know our own shadow. From this awareness, we can integrate & be in healthier relationship to the shadow, so that we can expand & evolve.
Shadow work is an essential part of liberation & healing. It’s singlehandedly the most empowering thing I have ever done, & a core aspect of the work I do with my private clients.
I TOTALLY CHANGED THE WAY I WAS SELF PLEASURING
I chose to acknowledge that I was dependent on porn & vibrators. I knew on a deeper level these relationships were not serving me, even though it felt so conveniently easy. Instead I began practicing holistic sexuality.
Whilst I am not inherently against vibrators or porn, many of us are consuming these sugary sex stimuli in unhealthy ways, & telling ourselves stories that this is what liberation is.
I threw out my last vibrator 3 years ago & stopped watching porn entirely for 2 years. I still don’t own a vibrator (despite having 3 drawers full of pleasure treasures) & now consume ethical feminist porn maybe once every 2-3 months in a totally different way.
My experience of sex & orgasms has totally transformed as a result. I am not special. This is simply the result of conscious sexuality practice & shadow work.
Here are 3 simple conscious sexuality practice tips to get you started:
Let go of visual sexual stimuli & practice mindful masturbation by placing your awareness on the sensations you feel in your body moment to moment (as opposed to escaping into heady fantasy which takes you out of your body)
Slow stimulation waaaay down & breathe deeply throughout
Consciously relax your entire body, again & again & again & again
I INVESTED IN MY OWN COACHES
I’ve personally had four of my own sexuality & relationships coaches, & have invested in a number of transformative group programmes. I know I will continue to invest in my own healing & expansion (I’m currently deciding who to work with come January myself), because it offers my life so much value!
This is after/alongside everything I’ve formally studied in this work.
This is because I know that there is a huge difference between intellectually understanding something, & being held & guided through your own transformational journey.
Our shadow wants to sabotage us every step of the way. Which is why it’s sooooo incredible to have a coach in your corner who can compassionately reflect what you can see, ask you masterful questions, & hold the vision of your immeasurable power when you can’t see it.
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I work with anything in the realm of sexuality, love & relationships. Whether you have clarity on what’s alive for you or not, I’ll meet you exactly where you are at.
If you are ready to look inward, learn more about working with me.
With fierce love & so much pleasure,
Michelle